SEXUAL BULLYING
If Bullying Happens To You
Sometimes teens do not know what to do when they are being bullied. Here we will provide you with specific actions you can take to stop the bullying.
When you are the one receiving unwanted sexual attention or comments and it makes you feel uncomfortable, learning to control your emotions and stand up for yourself in a confident and assertive way is the first step in stopping the bullying.
- Do not blame yourself! No one deserves to be bullied.
- Feeling sad, hurt, uncomfortable and bad about your body happens to everyone who is sexually bullied.
- Click here to learn about controlling your emotions (DOC).
Here are some tips and ideas to use when you are being verbal sexually bullied:
Leave the situation.
Try to get safely away from the situation.
- Run or walk, whatever is the easiest way to get away. Try to do this before things escalate.
- Try to imagine you are walking away from a friend. This is a way of making sure your body language does not give away a sense of fear.
Respond directly to the bully.
If you decide to respond to the bully, it might be best to try to do this when they are not around others. This will keep the bully from feeling embarrassed and will keep everyone calm.
- Before you respond:
- Take the time to figure out what to say to the bully. Strategizing about what to say will help keep you from over reacting and will help prepare you for the next time it happens. It can also build your confidence. Use our Action Plan to help come up with ideas for what to say and do.
- Be assertive and confident. Being assertive and confident can stop the bullying from happening again by showing the bully you are not an easy target.
- Keep a calm steady voice.
- Keep good eye contact.
- Keep your hands to your side
- Say what you think and feel in a confident way.
- Ways to respond:
- Use fogging. Fogging is useful when you are being verbally bullied. Fogging is when you use neutral or agreeing statements to respond to the bully. This allows you to respond without escalating the situation, and the bully may become bored because you are not reacting the way they want you to.
- Neutral responses might sound like:
- "So?"
- "Maybe."
- "Possibly."
- "Who cares?"
- "That's your opinion."
- Agreeing statements might sound like:
- I like this shirt. I'm sorry you don't."
- "Yes you are right. I like to wear black clothing."
- "Yes you are right. I do wear glasses."
- Use a comeback line. The idea of a comeback line is to stump the bully and make them think twice about what they are doing. It is not meant to anger the bully! Before you decide to use a comeback line, read our tips so you know how to use them correctly without making the situation worse.
- "Whatever you say."
- "Nothing better to do?"
Here are examples of how Lisa and Alycia might respond to being sexually bullied.
Watch as Lisa responds to Brent with confidence and assertiveness.
Now, watch as Alycia stands up to Casi instead of letting Casi's comments get to her.
Think you know?
The following questions are to help you better understand what to do if you are being sexually bullied. Work by yourself or with a friend to come up with answers on your own before looking at our answers.
Questions about the video:
Lisa and Brent:
When Lisa walks away from Brent, why is this not the same as being passive?
Walking away from a bully is not being passive for several reasons:
- Being passive means accepting or letting whatever the bully is doing to you happen. A passive victim will slouch, sulk or cry. They will take the bullying and not do anything about it.
- Walking away from a situation is different because you are taking the control back from the bully.
- When Lisa walks away standing tall and confident, she is sending the message to Brent that she is not interested and that she isn’t going to take the bullying
What is it about Lisa’s body language that shows she is confident? How will this help stop the bullying?
Having confidence when you stand up to a bully comes out in many ways and one of these ways is through your body language.
Lisa’s body language includes:
- Standing up tall.
- Keeping her arms to her side.
- Looking Brent in the eye and head up.
- Keeping her voice steady and strong.
Showing you are confident helps stop bullying because bullies look for people who are weaker, smaller, or lower in the popularity chain than they are.
If you can show that you are willing and able to stand up for yourself the bully is much less likely to bother you. Showing confidence gives you confidence!
Acting confident can boost your self-esteem and you may be more likely to stand up to the bully.
Alycia and Casi:
What is it about Alycia’s body language that shows she is confident? How will this help stop the bullying?
Having confidence when you stand up to a bully comes out in many ways and one of these ways is through your body language.
Alycia’s body language includes:
- Standing up tall.
- Keeping her arms to her side.
- Looking Casi in the eye.
- Keeping her voice steady and strong.
- Keeping her head up
Other things to think about:
What are some things that Lisa and Alycia did that you feel comfortable doing if you are sexually bullied?
Can you think of some other things Lisa and Alycia could have done in response to being sexually bullied?
Here are some things you can do after you have been bullied.
Talk to a friend.
Being bullied can be embarrassing but telling a trusted friend about what is going on will help relieve some of the stress. They may have had the same problem and can understand what you are going through.
- You can tell your friend you just need someone to talk to.
- Ask them for advice or help to come up with ideas to stop the bullying.
- Ask them to help you tell an adult.
Tell an adult.
If you feel threatened or unsafe, always tell an adult.
- Tell anyone you feel comfortable talking to:
- Parent
- Teacher
- School staff
- Community leader
- School nurse
- Coach
- Before you tell an adult the details of what happened, tell them what you want from the conversation such as you want help problem solving, or you just want someone to listen. This will help the conversation go better.
- If you feel nervous or are not sure what to say, write it down or ask a friend to go with you.
Click here to learn how to talk to an adult about bullying.
Remember it's not tattling if…click here to learn the difference between tattling and telling (DOC).
Keep evidence.
Writing down anything that was said or done is a good way to remember everything that happened. This way, if you decide to report the bullying, you will have a detailed account of what happened.
What to keep track of:
- What was said and done.
- Any of your actions (If you walked away, what you said).
- Where it happened and at what time.
Let's take a look at what happens next in Bring It Together →