After The Bullying
Why you should stand up to bullying: the victim’s point of view.
The goal of relational bullying is to hurt a girl’s self-esteem and damage her close relationships. Victims feel confused and rejected by their friends and other peers as well. But the effects of relational bullying go beyond the victim and can actually hurt the entire group of friends.
Click here to learn the effects of relational bullying (DOC).
Here are examples of what happens after someone has been relationally bullied.
Watch how being excluded by her friends affects Molly.
Watch how the spreading rumor affects Mary.
Think you know?
The following questions are to help you better understand the effects of relational bullying. Work by yourself or with a friend and try to come up with answers on your own before looking at our answers.
Questions about the video:
How do Becca and Jen’s actions make Molly feel confused and upset?
- When a bully decides to exclude someone, their intention is to make the victim feel confused and upset.
- The bully does this by not telling the victim why she is being excluded or ignored. The victim is left to make assumptions about why things happened, making her upset and worried.
- Girls fear not fitting in or not being liked, and when they are excluded or ignored they feel rejected by their friends.
We understand that Molly feels bad when Becca and Jen excluded her, but what are some other things she might be feeling?
How would Molly feel differently if Becca and Jen had directly asked her if she was talking about them?
- If Becca and Jen had confronted Molly right away the entire problem could have been avoided.
- Although Molly might have been upset that her friends thought she was talking about them in the first place, the effects of this would have been minimal compared to the effects of being excluded and ignored.
What do you think Mary was feeling when she realized the rumor was about her?
How do you think Mary felt after John tells her that he is staying out of it and that he doesn’t want the drama?
- Mary feels defeated by the rumor because it affects more than just how she is feeling, now it is causing problems between her and John.
- This makes her feel stressed, frustrated and upset.
Other things to think about:
Why does being relationally bullied make a girl feel so bad?
- When a girl or group of girls uses relational bullying, it is meant to hurt the victim by damaging her relationship with others.
- To the victim, the idea of not being accepted or losing a friend is scary and upsetting.
- Often the person using the relational bullying is a friend or someone the victim knows well, so it can be especially hurtful when someone close to the victim is trying to hurt her.
- Also, victims often don’t know why they are being treated this way and it can feel like everyone is angry and against at them.
Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if you were Molly or Mary?
Let's take a look at what happens next in If You See Bullying Happening →